Joke of the Day

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Red Sunsets
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Joke of the Day

Postby Red Sunsets » 23 Oct 2006, 15:54

Here we go! To brighten up a very moribund forum intent on naming cool tunes they listen to, a little light (lite for our cousins across the pond) reading.
Probably go down like a lead (it does have an 'a' in it) balloon, but here goes:

#1 Philosophy
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary ..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued." You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. He turned and slunk away.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife.

#2 If only I...
How to handle .

#3 Linguistics
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

now lighten up and post :lol:
If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

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Red Sunsets
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Postby Red Sunsets » 23 Oct 2006, 18:05

5 views, not a reply... I'm off :evil:
If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

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the tenant
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Postby the tenant » 23 Oct 2006, 19:12

make it 12 views ha ha

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the tenant
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Postby the tenant » 24 Oct 2006, 19:41

todays joke, an oldie but a goldie

Kate Moss bumps into Jeremy Clarkson on a night out. She says to him "What do you do?"
Jeremy says "I do Top Gear"
"Fucking great" says Kate, "Ill have four grammes please"

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Red Sunsets
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Postby Red Sunsets » 24 Oct 2006, 21:33

Fuck me, there is life in here!



Anyway, this muslim woman knocked on my door last night, I didn't open but just talked to her through the letterbox...
see how that bitch likes it!


Eeeeewwwww, bad RS :twisted:
If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

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the tenant
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Postby the tenant » 25 Oct 2006, 14:37

you bastard i got told that one today, back to the drawing board

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the tenant
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Postby the tenant » 25 Oct 2006, 14:38

Did you hear about the man who got his viagra and his sleeping tablets mixed up?

He ended up going for 40 wanks.

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Red Sunsets
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Postby Red Sunsets » 14 Nov 2006, 18:58

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg.

Personally, I think it's prosthetic.
If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

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scotty
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Postby scotty » 14 Nov 2006, 20:05

'MON THE KITTENS!!!

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3 for the price of 1

Postby Red Sunsets » 10 Dec 2006, 19:10

Some Bums
Two homeless guys are walking along the railroad tracks and one says to the other, "I think I'm?the luckiest guy in the world".
"Why the fuck is?that?" says the other one.
"Well, I'm walking down the tracks last week and I find $50 in a wallet, got some dope and stayed fucked up for a day and a half.
The other guy says, "Yeah, alright, but?I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down the tracks about two weeks ago, found a gorgeous naked chick tied to the tracks. I?untied her and took her up there in the trees?and I fucked the shit out of her for two days."?
"Jesus", said the first guy. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"
"Fuck no", the other guy said, "I never found her head."?

Wife In A Coma Gets Some Action
A man was visiting his wife in?hospital where she has been in?a coma for several years. On this?visit he decided to rub her left?breast instead of just talking?to her. On doing this she let out?a sigh. The man ran out and told?the doctor who said that was a?good sign and suggested he should?try rubbing her right breast to?see if there is any reaction. The?husband went in and rubbed her?right breast. This produced a?moan from his wife. He rushed?out and told the doctor. The?doctor said this was amazing and?a real breakthrough. The doctor?then suggested the man should go?in and try oral sex, saying he?would wait outside as it is a?personal act and he didn't want?the man to be embarrassed. The?man goes in, then came out about?five minutes later, white as a?sheet. He told the doctor his?wife is dead. The doctor asked?what happened? - to which the man?replied, "I dunno, I guess she choked."

Take three girls
Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man doing a survey. He asks, "Ladies, would you mind telling me how you know if you've had?a good night out?"
The first replies, "I come home, get into bed and if I lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good night."?
The second one replies, "I come home, have a shower?and a glass of wine, get into bed, and if I tingle all over, I know it was a good night."
The third one turns around and says, "If I get home,?rip off my panties, throw them against the wall ...and they stick,?then I know it was a good night!"

here endeth today's lesson :mrgreen:
If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

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the tenant
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Postby the tenant » 08 Mar 2007, 17:49


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the tenant
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Postby the tenant » 21 Aug 2007, 19:15

a bloke came into my work today and tried to sell me 8 legs of venison for ?40, i said to him thats too dear, two deer dya get it, ill get me coat!!!

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Red Sunsets
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Postby Red Sunsets » 21 Aug 2007, 20:51

suits you, Sir!
Image
:lol: :lol: :lol:
If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

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shaeve
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Postby shaeve » 24 Apr 2008, 23:12

Mutate or Die!!


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